Cool concept. You have an odd way about yourself that is endearing to watch. It sounded as though your audience liked the piece!!! “Goodbye Gemini” moved me quite a bit more than “Right Track,” when I was rifling through your collection.

I watched a few of your videos because you are interesting and have talent but I kept hoping for a really solid hook, which never came. A lot of your songs have meat but no definitive potatoes. You never really lift off, my friend. And, I can tell by your thought provoked lyrics that you want to.

Dan, you have some really great words and you have the right idea about creating a memorable, lyrical, hook but they lack luster from a melodic perspective, leaving the songs feeling somewhat incomplete or deadpan.

You are definitely engaging, flirt with the camera, and readily take us through your unusual thoughtscapes. It seems sincere. And fans love honesty.

Listen back to this piece and notice how, on the choruses, your voice becomes nasal driven and your pitch jumps about. I can tell what you're trying to accomplish…hmmm, maybe experiment with some rhythm & blues or gospel music to bring out your inner soul :) Working scales both vocally and on piano will help you to discover more places to put your voice into a melody. Work those hooks out and you're golden! Keep shedding and never quit!

Namaste,

Brian

Or, visit the south side of town on a Sunday morning. We've got to shake some of that white out of you brother! You're close…free your mind and your heart will follow.

Namaste,